Do i need a partner to make me happy

I find myself hiding in darkness under the comfort of my blanket, curtains down, lights off. Just me and the tranquility I have created. But still my head keeps pounding, my mind keeps speaking, my soul is still troubled.

Sometimes, I enjoy loneliness, I call it ME time. But who am I kidding? The yearnings of my heart are driving me crazy. The image my mirror shoots back at me is saddening. Is this some sort of self esteem situation. Since when has being alone been a problem ?

I have always loved to spend time with myself, coloring and dancing in front of the mirror. Over the years, I have loved it enough to make it a ritual. But now I am needing more. Seeking more.

Maybe its the age thing. As you get older your needs change right? Wrong!... Well sort of. Or maybe because there is a new bride every other day.

But I was fine just a week ago.

I never look past my tomorrows when it comes to a boyfriend. If years come and we are still great, then lovely. But I have never seen the picture of my soul mate in my future. Mommy says, when you meet "the one" you will know he is the one. Well He is always 'the one' in the beginning, during the 4hr phone conversations, texts and BBMs, laughing at each others stupid jokes, basically showing only the side of you that you want to be seen. Then 1 year passes by and ' the one' becomes 'hmm..'.

However, is it so wrong to just want my bf? This world is so lonely. How do people do it?

Question.. Are you single by choice?

I am sorry!!
I've said it time and time again. I never imagined the pain i would bring you if I left you. The future we planned together escaped through our hands held together. We prayed to make it last but did not try hard to make it strong. Our bond broken, our hearts crying, our minds completely disengaged from within. I am sorry I took away your love. Took away every passion we shared, every dream we hoped.
The tears are coming down, no doubt. The confusion set in years before the damage was done. The fear is indescribable - Who would love me like you did? How long will it take me to find another real love? What the F**ck did I do?
I am sorry, I will always be. But now I must sleep on the bed that I made. I must learn to deal with the circumstances I have created. We must move on not looking back, no regrets just lessons learned. I will not blame you or point fingers either way. I only promise that I will always keep you in my heart. xoxo