Me... Me..

I was born brave but taught to be fearless. I was raised strong but grew independent. And even with that, I get nervous when I think of tomorrow. My escape is to day dream. Daydream of pent houses, Mediterranean mansions, beautiful children, smart decisions and a conscious lover. I have flaws no doubt, but I am what I am. From the acne on my chin, to my retarded looking pinky toe. The dimples on my back to the birth mark on my navel.. I know myself in and out. I love who I am and what I will become. The many years I know I have to set examples, I make plans for them now. Never think anything is impossible because every option can never be exhausted.
I am me, I do not trust, I pay attention to the smirks, the grins, the one raised eye brow, the unconscious statements made by gestures. I surround myself by just a fist full of people... happy, make the best of any situation kind of people. Today is just one of those days that I looked in the mirror and I'm happy I am here. Happy I'm free.

love..

I am a self testimony, a perfect example, a case study of what love is about.

The overwhelming power it has to intensify an infatuation.

The stupidity it creates in an intelligent being.

The beauty it finds in the face of a not so pretty object.

The unconditional loyalty it requires to maintain its power.

Never checked out the meaning of Love,

Whether it be passion, affection, endearment, or predilection,

Love is without a doubt an unconscious introduction to our vulnerability.

To love with love, dream of love, love to love or simply just loving love is my addiction.

And you r my drug of choice.

mascara tears

I cry, I cry to express the intensity of my anger, joy or pride. Today however I am sad. I am confused. Irritated. Dismantled inside. For no reason what so ever, my mind decided to reminisce on my"back in the days". My back in the days = past, which was awesome.  Unfortunately, the people who created my past r not here, not right now. And today I remembered that. Today I thought about my yesterdays and the days before. Sometimes, I hate to remember, but my mind was on a roll.. I remembered playing with grandma and grandpa, spending weekends with Uncle Law, spending Aunty Amaras last days with her and being scared to go see Uncle Charles sick with cancer.  How do I forget the wickedness that is death? The right it possesses to take away a piece of a beautiful puzzle for its own sake. And so I cried. Choking and trying to hold back tears kind of cry. Thinking... Home isn't Home without those who made it their home. 

I looked in the mirror and my maybeline's running down my eyes, my eyes r red and my nose is running. My skin is pale and my knees r buckled.  I miss them.. I loved them so much but who cared? Who cared that I'd be hurt, that an entire family would need reconstruction, build chains to hang on to each other. Death's a muthaFucka, with the power to depress and the ability to come and take whom ever they feel they need more. this shit sucks.

age=? dignity?

My mind is basically empty of any type of content, no thoughts... NOthing.  I have had a long day,  and I know tomorrow will be longer.  I have huge miserable tasks ahead of me thanks to my procrastination.  Right now, I am clueless of what to think or do. My mind is blank. 

Since I started working at my job, I met the weirdest, rudest and most morally incorrect people.  They portray dumbness every new day.  Fifty something year olds screaming, bullying, gossiping and bragging about their sexual skills. Its highly entertaining as well as pathetic.  I have a favorite misery. She's a mother and grandmother.  Old and sad. She displays her insecurities by bullying everyone. For a long time, I appeared to be a quiet and innocent looking little girl and she got away once or twice making rude comments to me.  Until she accused me of some little bullshit. I spazzed, not coz I was mad at first. But coz I had to put her in her place before she took it further.  She literally grabbed me by the neck of my scrub and that's when I got mad. I pushed her hand away hoping she didn't break an aching bone.  I guess that ticked her off coz she cursed me out..i cursed her too, nothing intense just little words.. hag, old fool, slacked cunt, things like that. Yea, I disrespected my self respect. I asked for forgiveness. But since this incident, her and her bullying buddies either stay clear or try to provoke me. I lafff!  I always laugh. It gets them mad, jealous of my happy mind I would say. I swing my hips when they r behind me, pop my gum, whatever to achieve their anger.  Mid life crisis is one thing, but these ladies r a combination of missing virtues.