mascara tears

I cry, I cry to express the intensity of my anger, joy or pride. Today however I am sad. I am confused. Irritated. Dismantled inside. For no reason what so ever, my mind decided to reminisce on my"back in the days". My back in the days = past, which was awesome.  Unfortunately, the people who created my past r not here, not right now. And today I remembered that. Today I thought about my yesterdays and the days before. Sometimes, I hate to remember, but my mind was on a roll.. I remembered playing with grandma and grandpa, spending weekends with Uncle Law, spending Aunty Amaras last days with her and being scared to go see Uncle Charles sick with cancer.  How do I forget the wickedness that is death? The right it possesses to take away a piece of a beautiful puzzle for its own sake. And so I cried. Choking and trying to hold back tears kind of cry. Thinking... Home isn't Home without those who made it their home. 

I looked in the mirror and my maybeline's running down my eyes, my eyes r red and my nose is running. My skin is pale and my knees r buckled.  I miss them.. I loved them so much but who cared? Who cared that I'd be hurt, that an entire family would need reconstruction, build chains to hang on to each other. Death's a muthaFucka, with the power to depress and the ability to come and take whom ever they feel they need more. this shit sucks.